Disclaimer: This article is purely in jest, written as if for a little stand up routine. It should be obvious, but I am stating this for those who might take offence where none is intended. If you start to get that feeling, STOP reading immediately and move on. If you read further, it is at your own choice and risk. This is not to be misinterpreted as condoning any offensive behaviour towards women anywhere. Treat everyone, men or women, with respect, courtesy and decency. Even if you find someone worthy of your attention, the furthest you will get is only by treating people respectfully.
I came across this 'scientific research' article on Facebook as I was going through a bit of dry spell in coming up with material to write about.
Here was the title "Study Reveals That Women With Big Butts Are Smarter and Healthier"
http://twentytwowords.com/scientific-study-reveals-something-very-interesting-about-women-with-big-butts/?utm_source=socialmob&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=article-or-quiz-name&utm_content=985
Now, such a title is interesting anytime of the year, but for an aspiring writer going through a drought, this is like 'manna from heaven' even if I mix up the metaphors and 'a welcome downpour' would have been a better choice of words. However, since one of the literal definitions of 'Manna' is "a sweet gum obtained from the manna ash or a similar plant, used as a mild laxative," this might be more appropriate than intended.
The online article goes on to say
"A new review published by researchers at the University of Oxford and Churchill Hospital in the United Kingdom suggests that people who carry their body fat in their thighs and backside aren’t just carrying extra weight, but also some extra protection against diabetes, heart disease, and other conditions associated with obesity.
The results found that women with bigger backsides tend to have lower levels of cholesterol and are more likely to produce hormones to metabolize sugar.
Having a big butt also favors leptin levels in the female body, which is a hormone responsible for regulating the weight, and the dinopectina, a hormone with anti-inflammatory, vascular-protective, and anti-diabetic attributes.
And having a big butt requires an excess of Omega 3 fats, which have been proven to catalyze brain development."
Now, retroactively thinking about it, this is certainly no news for men. It makes sense. Men have instinctively known this even as they evolved from the apes. They have always been attracted to truly intelligent women. What is sometimes mistaken as ogling is actually men checking out the IQ of a woman passing by. Of course, it will be difficult to convince a jealous spouse of this. Even if convinced one can be in greater trouble since being attracted to the intelligence of another is a greater offence!
But for me, the modern man, politically correctly raised, having lost most of my natural instincts through social conditioning, this was a new revelation. Suddenly, I have started to notice many intelligent, smart women all around. The entire female population seems to be quite a bit smarter on the average than the previous generations and where I grew up as a child. Some appear intelligent in the extreme. I guess that is a bit too daunting for some men.
Also, from my personal observation and deduction - it does not appear that it works the other way around for men, if one presumes women would be attracted to similarly intelligent men.
Men who physically appear intelligent on the lines of women were given the go-by by most women. For a while it seemed shocking to me until it finally dawned on me. Truly, truly, a true intelligent and smart woman would not prefer a smart or smarter man as a mate, she would really prefer and it would be to her advantage to find a less intelligent man. That is the way nature intended a perfect match!
There is however one down side to this study - if it becomes too well known, it will be difficult for men to compliment a woman on her intelligence without being sued for harassment! Do not even use the word 'assessment' !
So, here is my advice for men - be careful with your compliments and 'assesments' (pardon the pun) of women anywhere, anytime, particularly in official correspondence.
Writing that 'it is obvious she is highly intelligent and smart' might be 'proof' of you sexually harassing a female.
What is the world coming to? Such highly explosive and dangerous studies and research should not be undertaken or their results published without due care and preparation of society for its consequences. A whole buttload of butt jokes immediately springs to mind! Please feel free to make up your own and post them in the comments!
Footnote: No research has been done to show that men with big butts are smarter. Strangely (or is it really surprising?) the study has been done, money spent and effort expended studying the correlation of women's butts and intelligence, with no attention towards men. Most men will not complain. They will agree it is money well spent and many probably competed to get on board this research team. There are many proposals to further extend the area of this research to find correlation between women's intelligence and other parts of their anatomy. However (in)conclusive the studies are, the results need to be carefully handled and managed.
"Honey, does this pair of jeans make me look smarter?" How does a man answer that question honestly, it was fraught with danger even before this study came along...
Copyright (c) Kannan Narayanamurthy 2017
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