“Why Me? What Did I do To Deserve This?”

It had been a stressful day, a stressful week, a stressful few years. I was going through a lot of personal anguish and pain. I had been knocked about a bit. Life was not fair!!

“Why me? What did I do to deserve this?” I asked a higher power, silently in my mind. Outwardly, I kept it hidden, trying to be busy and cheerful. My kids were around. I was cooking lunch.

“DAD!! COME! Come QUICKLY!”  I heard my daughter shout from the bathroom.

“ARE YOU OK?!!” I yelled back, quickly remembering to turn off the stove and washing the flour off my hands before running out of the kitchen. I grabbed a handtowel on the way and dried my hands as I headed towards the bathroom from where I had heard her scream.

“SPIDER! A BIG one! Dad!,” I heard her as I was half way there.

“Oh!” a sigh of relief as I entered the bathroom and saw her crouched in fright in a corner. She pointed to a reasonably sized black spider at one end of the counter-top next to the sink. It showed itself clearly against the pale white surface. It had scared my daughter as she had started to brush her hair. It had probably been near the brush itself, not seen until the brush was removed. The little girl was afraid of many creepy-crawlies, especially largish spiders.

I moved cautiously and carefully, taking care not to disturb the insect so that it would not run away and escape or hide. I grabbed an old newspaper from a stack that I kept in the bathroom for just such situations, among other uses for them – laying them out to make a mess while clipping hair or mixing stuff, paints etc.

I have had good practice at this kind of thing. If it were a small or slow moving insect, I usually try to gently grab or smother the insect with some toilet tissue without crushing or killing it, carry it out and throw it in the backyard. For a long time, I used to simply swat them down without a thought and put them away.  A few years ago, I changed my approach with pious thoughts of being kinder and gentler and always tried to see if I could deal with them in a non-lethal manner. I can usually deliver a well-judged stunning or a slightly crippling blow, enough to prevent the insect from running away, scoop it up in some paper and then throw it out into the backyard. I would walk away feeling all good inside for not killing it. Yes, I know the moment a disabled insect lands on the lawn, probably the birds or other insects get it. But I would feel good about not killing it myself. There were times when my judgement was not good.  Sometimes I have had to strike more than one blow. Sometimes I have hurt it more than I would like or killed it. I consoled myself saying I had tried. The only exceptions were mosquitoes, since I have not been able to master the art of stunning one alive and taking it out.

This day I rolled up the newspaper silently, motioned my daughter to keep quiet and move away from the door. With the practised grace and elegance of an experienced, bathroom insect hunter I slowly brought the newspaper from behind my target and quickly delivered a stunning blow. It did not die, but the legs folded up. I picked up in a wad of tissue paper and out it went in the backyard, past my scared daughter.

“Thank you, Dad!” said she, giving me an appreciative hug.

I looked around the bathroom to make sure there were no more creepy crawlies in sight.

“You can go back to brushing your hair, love,” I said with a pat to her shoulder.

I headed back to the kitchen. As I resumed my cooking, I saw the spider in my mind’s eye.

“Why me? What did I do to deserve this?” it asked of a higher power.

I was that higher power for that insect. Through telepathy, I answered the spider.

“You probably do not realise that you have been fortunate. I really saved your life. It might hurt a bit and feel like you have been unlucky. I do not hate you or wantonly hurt you. In fact, I care about you and like you. But you do not see the big picture of what was happening. You cannot live in the bathroom. Why? It is too complicated for you to understand. But rest assured, you have a better chance of survival and a good life out in the backyard than within the house. If it were someone else, or even me a few years ago, you might have been squashed, sprayed and died a nasty death. You do not appreciate the care I tried to take even in hitting you for your own good.”

I went to the backyard to see where I had dropped the spider. It was gone. It likely did not waste a second thinking so deeply. It likely just picked itself up and quickly got on with life as I have seen them do so many times.

I went back to my cooking. As I cooked I asked my higher power again.

“Why me? What did I do to deserve this?”

Acknowledgement with thanks:  To my reader Kristy for how to handle spiders in the future:

What about cup and paper?  Just put the cup over the spider, slip paper underneath, then carry outside and empty into the garden.   The spider doesn't suffer at all.  Cheers, Kristy



Copyright  (c) Kannan Narayanamurthy 2012
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