Four’s A Crowd Sometimes, Yet Lonely Among Millions?

I dropped off my kids at their mother’s last weekend. This time it was different. They have moved from Alex to go to school in the Big City. They spent their last week about with me in my favourite town. They liked it here in Alex and I sent them off with the hope they will find things to like there as well.  Though it was hard, they went with champion attitudes. I spent some time with a friend in the Big City of over 4 million after seeing my kids off. It was good. I once used to live there myself and liked it. Now, even there it feels lonely without the kids around.

It felt strange coming back to Alex itself after the long drive to the city and leaving the kids behind. I love this town and know so many people. Often, when with my kids around in Alex, it felt I had too many friends that I could not spend enough time with. My time was fully taken up with the three of us, barely had much time for another friend among so many. They are all here, just the same. The streets are full of familiar faces. Everyone is the same. Many know me and they are always friendly. Something within me feels different. There is a feeling of emptiness in this bustling, lively, friendly little town. I soon realise, the emptiness is from within me, not outside.

I busy myself with all the things I have to get done and that I am lagging behind in – legal and accounting paperwork. I dabble in a bit of writing, cooking, cleaning, visiting and I see everyone, everything else is just the same as before, it is I who has changed. It is also I who _has_ to change, _must_ change further and accept a new set of circumstances. I am changing, slowly.

          These are among the first long spell of dry, hot, blistering summer days this season, the grasses are browning, mercifully, the growth rate has slowed. In fact most of it is starting to look brown or almost black as if it would be finished off for good and ever. The ultra-violent UV rays of the Aussie sun seem as if they will just bake, cook and kill off all the green - anything thin, weak and small seems doomed. I have seen this before. But it is the nature of life, that the grass will be greener come spring. It will then look strong, thrive and life will go on. Such is life itself. The oppressive sun and heat is just a season. It only makes the grass more resilient if does not kill it off totally.

          I am looking around the town, looking around nature. I am learning. I am changing too. The brown grass gives me hope as does the friendly smile of my friends in Alex.  Here’s to spring!


Copyright  (c) Kannan Narayanamurthy 2012
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