Srini too went home. He lay
in his bed, wondering if sleep would come early enough for him to be fresh and
active the next day. If he stayed awake too late, usually, his next day was
shot and he could not function properly. Normally, he would try to think and day
dream his way to sleep with some soothing music playing. He did not try
anything this night. Memories from his early childhood and parent came flooding
in. He let them. He never realised when he drifted off to deep sleep. He woke
up with a start as the morning alarm went off.
Srini got out of his bed,
having forgotten the happenings of yesterday. He had had a lovely old familiar
dream of his youth with his family and friends in India. Characters from his
life in later years seamlessly mixed with the people of his youth. It had been
good. He felt refreshed. As he stood up, walked over to the bathroom and caught
his first breath of cold morning air that came in through the screen window, he
felt the mild difficulty of breath. It reminded him of the events of the
previous day. He stretched out his arms and legs in his usual routine and took
a couple of slow, deep breaths. He felt OK, not too bad.
Srini decided to call and
tell his kids the news himself, a bit earlier than he originally planned. His
meeting with Dan had been productive. He called them and asked if they could
stop by that evening for dinner. He said he was cooking one of their favourite
meals, something they had had since their childhood. The kids were used to such
unexpected dinner offers from him. They had spoken to the Dr. Fa the previous
day and had been relieved at the tone of his explanation. They reckoned Srini
was feeling good and thought up a celebration dinner. They had not seen him in
a few days. They had been worried during their last meeting with the news about
the tests Dr. Fa had prescribed. They had some engagements planned for the
evening that they decided to reschedule. They both confirmed they would come
that evening, Rohan with his wife and kids.
The planning for dinner,
gathering the ingredients, shopping and preparation, gave Srini something
familiar to do and think in the background. He could plan while doing something
useful and being productive at the same time. This was different from his
common modes of planning while lying down or reclining in a couch, still and
silent or going on long, meandering walks.
Cleaning up the house,
dusting a little, vacuuming a few spots, cleaning up the bathroom, kitchen and
dining area, putting up the play pen area for the little twins while listening
to his old favourite songs from childhood made the day pass by in a pleasant
blur. He cooked the dinner and the last dish was on the stove. Before he
realised it, the doorbell rang in the evening. He had not even noticed or heard
Anita's car pulling into the driveway.
He opened the door smiling.
His daughter blew in like gust of wind and gave him a hug and a kiss. He
ruffled the hair on her head. He was the only one allowed to do that to her in
public!
"How are you Daddy? I
smell the cooking. I can tell what you have made. Oh I am so hungry! Do you
know how long Rohan will be?" she continued without a pause, "I must
tell you what happened today at work. I cannot believe it!"
Srini smiled contendedly,
"What happened, dear? Something interesting and shocking it appears."
He followed her after
shutting the front door. She blew into the kitchen, tossing her handbag onto to
couch on her way and went up to the stove to stir the pot that was merrily
bubbling and boiling.
Srini came up, "Would
you like a Masala Chai (spiced tea) while you wait for dinner, 'Nita?
Rohan should be about 15 minutes away."
His 'Sunshine Angel', as he
sometimes referred to her, nodded and continued her chatter. She told him all
about a surprise, the news of reorganisation and promotion of someone unexpected
to the position of VP. Then there was the cop who stopped her on the way for a
random breath test and kept chatting with her, despite her being all clean. He
seemed to want to confirm all her details and had delayed her. She seemed
annoyed with him.
Srini kept a straight face
and asked," Did you note his name? What was his rank?"
"I dont know, Dad! I
did not note what rank he was!" she said.
"What did he look
like? Was he good looking?" asked Srini barely able to conceal his smile.
"Dad!! Dad! He was not
my type! Anyway, he is supposed to be doing a job and keep the traffic moving.
Dad! Stop it!" she protested, noting his smile.
"Ok, 'Nita, I
understand. Maybe he liked you and was just abusing his authority to get to
know you. In matters of the heart, these things happen, you know. Did he do or
say anything inappropriate?" asked Srini.
"No! Of course not! He did not say or do anything that I could
take offense at. It was how he went about things slowly. He was very polite and
a gentleman. Just not my type," she said firmly.
"Poor chap. I always
knew you would break a few hearts and even get yours broken sometime. Such is
life, 'Nitu," said Srini gently, passing on a cup of tea to her.
She took a sip. From his
demeanour, Srini's daughter could not pick up any hint of what was to come. She
started to set out the plates, the table, filled water in the cups. She saw the
play pen for the tots and laughed. She went over to her handbag and pulled out
a toy she had bought for the little ones to play with. It was something that
both could hold on to and pull. It made a set of different sounds and noises
each time it was pulled. It should make for an interesting tug-of-war she
reckoned.
As they finished cooking
the meal and put it on to the dining table, they heard Rohan's car pulling up
outside. Anita ran out to help bring the twins in. She liked to carry one on each
side. They loved their Aunt 'Nita' as much as she adored them. Rohan and his
wife Molly followed with the double pram, the bags with the kids' supplies,
their handbag, wallets and keys. They always seemed to be surrounded by many
packages or bags since the kids were born. It seemed they had sprouted a couple
of extra hands somewhere or had become like coat racks. Anita greeted them and
the twins quickly jumped and climbed on to her.
It was a melee at the door,
the kids promptly jumped on to Srini directly from Anita, both at the same
time, calling out 'Thatha! Thatha!” Srini managed to get them both on to
him. They kissed him on either cheek. They laughed as he lifted each on his arm
and gave them a pretend 'flight' into the living room with full sound effects.
He set them down into the playpen and they jumped at the toy that Anita had
left there. The tug of war started.
Srini, went over to receive
a hug from Rohan and Molly. They had parked the pram and set down the bags.
"Smells good in
here. We are hungry! Sorry, I was
delayed by traffic and random breath testing on the way," said Rohan as he
and Molly walked inside towards the dining room with Srini in between.
"Yes, I heard about
it. Did you notice one particularly good-looking but slow police officer, among
them?" asked Srini smiling cheekily at Anita.
"What? What
happened?" asked Molly, smiling.
"Nothing, he just is
not Anita's type," said Srini.
"I thought they were
all very professional and looked good in their uniforms," said Molly
laughing.
"Yes, even that female
constable who tested my breath. Looked very smart in her uniform," Rohan
joined in.
"Dinner is just ready.
Would you all like to get started while it is still nice and warm?" asked
Srini.
"The little ones have
already had their main feed. We can feed them some tidbits after we have
eaten," said Rohan.
They all sat down for a
meal watching the twins playing at the end of the room, in their play pen.
Everyone chatted and ate heartily. Rohan too had some news. He and Molly had
been checking out neighbourhoods to buy their own first house for some time now.
Srini asked about how the search was going. There were some new housing estates
opening up near one of their preferred locations, near a primary school. Rohan
and Molly were hopeful of applying and getting a house there. They had done all
their preparation and paperwork done in advance. Rohan was getting a raise at
work and Molly was preparing to get back to her job once the twins started
kinder in a few months. Her employers were keen to have her back. They had kept
in touch.
As the grownups ate, the
twins started to clamber over the playpen and came to get their little scraps
that were carefully selected for them and fed. They went over to Srini and
Anita, who were given the privilege to give them the most. They played a game
where they would get one fed in their mouth and given one in hand, to go and
give to their little brother. Then the second one would come and the same thing
repeated. If they both fed a piece and given one in hand, they would dutifully
meet the other and fed each other the one in the hand. It was fun to watch.
They got so used to this eating and sharing that, if they were fed by someone
new, they would still wait for piece in hand to take to their twin.
As the dinner wound down,
Anita and Rohan helped clean up and put things away, load the dishwasher and
fetch the drinks before settling on the couch to have a chat. Molly cleaned up
after the kids and sat next to them, ready to note if they were ready to sleep.
When they were, each of the twins would go and lie down on the lap of a parent
or Srini or Anita to be gently rocked to sleep.
The kids went back to play in the pen watching the spinning colours and gentle music.
After the adults sat down
in the couch nearby watching the kids, one of them crawled up to Molly's lap. The
other played by himself.
Srini put his glass away in
the sink and walked over to them
"I have something to
tell you all. I got some news yesterday. Fa told me...," he started.
"I spoke to Uncle Fa yesterday. He did not seem too concerned. It’s
alright and nothing to worry about. Isn’t it?" Rohan asked anxiously.
Anita too seemed relieved
and she too said,"I am glad Uncle Fa did not say it was serious."
"Yes, I had spoken to
him about it. I asked him to not tell you. I wanted to tell you myself,"
Srini began.
Anita's heart sank. She had
a funny feeling in her stomach. She observed her father's face. It was calm,
gentle but with some concern showing as he looked at them. He seemed to be more
concerned about them. Rohan had a surprised expression. He looked worried.
"I have about 18
months left to live as per Fa's best estimate," Srini barely finished his
sentence when, instinctively, both Anita and Rohan got up and hugged Srini from
either side. He hugged them both tightly. Anita buried her head in his chest
and started to sob. Rohan looked as if he were hit and about to collapse. Tears
started to roll down his eyes. He kept looking at Srini's gently smiling face.
He leaned over on to his father as if he could not support himself. Srini stood
still and gently said,"Hey, my treasures, I love you. I will be OK. Fa
will look after me right up to the end... I am going for surgery next
week..." He trailed off.
Molly quickly set down the
twin in her lap and walked over. She too could not contain herself. She hugged
Rohan and Anita on either side as she too went over and laid her head on
Srini's chest. Srini stood surprisingly strong, smothered by his three kids as
he called them.
For a full five minutes,
the only sounds heard were of Anita's and Rohan's sobs. Molly sniffed away her
tears. Srini kept saying, "There, there. I am not bad now. It is going to
be OK. I still will have some good long time. It is part of life. I will never
be away from you in spirit. Come, come my dears. I love you all too. Now, you
are going to make me cry."
Suddenly, they heard and
felt the twins at their legs, They had seen the adults and come to mimic them.
They held on to Molly's legs and they started to cry too, even though they did
not understand what was happening.
Suddenly, the tension was
broken. They all broke up the group hug.
Srini and Molly picked up the little ones.
"What are you crying
for, Cheeki and Cheeku?" asked Srini, laughing and smiling at them. Looking
at him they stopped crying and smiled. They wanted to be hugged too. He picked
one up and the other reached out to him. They figured Srini was the centre of
hugging and they wanted to be in there, up close to the centre of attention. He
picked the second one up too and sat down on the couch. Anita, Rohan and Molly
came and sat down on the carpet, at his legs. They were all still teary-eyed
and Anita was being comforted by Rohan and Molly.
"Well, look at me. I
have everything, my world here in my arms and around me. I am a lucky fellow.
Not all achieve this in life. I have had a great lifetime, this time around. I
will surely be back in this family soon as possible, young and strong. 'Nitu,
just you wait! I will show up in your house." Srini said with gentle
conviction.
It was a longer night than
anyone had planned. The twins went to sleep. Molly put them to sleep in their
prams. Srini just sat there, looking into the eyes of his children and Molly.
They all looked back at him with love.
"Would you all like
another drink?" Srini asked. Molly got up and offered to make them. She
went over to the kitchen counter and made them all a drink. Rohan and Anita sat
at Srini's feet, looking up, while he held their hand or patted their heads,
running his hand through their hair, as he used to do since they were kids.
They had always enjoyed it.
Srini decided to break the
silence and the tension. He asked them to come and sit around him. They did.
"Look my precious
treasures. I want to share something I have thought about since I turned 40. I
often used to consider that the halfway mark or thereabouts for an average
lifespan. I used to often poke fun at the 40th birthday parties of friends by
giving them a card. It had a picture of a hill with the stick figure on the top.
I would write the name of the person with an arrow pointing to the stick figure
and write a caption below. From now on, it is all downhill... For me that was
fifteen years ago! Every year after that
I would give them the same card for their birthday with one small change. The
stick figure was drawn a little further down the hill.
Do you remember the old
puzzle I used to ask you as kids - how far can you run into a forest?
You used to ask me how big
the forest was? What was its shape? In what direction was one supposed to be
running? You said you could not answer the question otherwise. Do you
remember?" Srini asked.
Rohan and Anita nodded.
They remembered the answer too.
"Halfway," they
both said together.
"Yes, one can only run
halfway into a forest, after that one would be running out of the forest.
Similarly, one can only be heading into a lifetime for half the lifespan. After
that, we are on our way out. This is life and we cannot stop running. I have
run a good distance, less than some but more than many. I do not have too many
regrets. There are still a few things I want to do in the time I have left. I
have thought about it. I am planning to go into surgery next week. It will take
about 2 weeks to recover. Fa says it will give me about 18 months. The year
immediately after the surgery would be a good time to be active and get things
done. The cancer will come back and from then on I might not be able to travel
far or do things. Immediately after I
recover from the surgery, due next week, I want go away for 2-3 months to
travel to meet some people and see some places I want to. Then I want to come
back, attend to a few things, tying up some loose ends and spending the rest of
the time with you. Fa has promised to take care of me until the end."
"You have been
thinking about this a while, Dad?" Anita asked.
"Not really. On and
off, in brief moments over the years, yes. I seemed to have come up with
something vague but close to this plan over many years. It suddenly became
clear to me yesterday, since I came from Fa's office." Srini explained.
It was hard saying goodbye
that night. Rohan had an early meeting at work. Anita wanted to cancel her work
engagements and spend the night at Srini’s place. Srini advised her against it.
“Look ‘Nitu, you have just
started at this job and I am OK now. There will soon be times in the future
when, I and you, both would like you to stay back. You are new at your job. Go
to work tomorrow. Ask for such privileges later when it is more needed, OK? If
you start out like this, they may not count you as reliable. I promise you, I
will be OK.”
It was with much reluctance
that Srini helped them all pack up and walked them to their vehicles to see
them off after a couple of hours.
“Drive safely and be calm.
Do be nice to that young policeman if you see him on your way back!” he called
out to Anita, blowing her a kiss.
The twins were asleep and
were loaded in that mode on to their tiny seats in the back of the car. Molly
decided to drive back with Rohan on the passenger side. They too had said their
goodbyes tearfully. Srini kissed the twins and blew kisses to Rohan and Molly
as they drove off.
He felt a bit tired, but pleasantly so. He thought he would sleep well. He turned in. But surprisingly he did not get to sleep well that night. The looks on his children’s faces haunted him. He wondered if such strong love was a good thing, if it made them too miserable and unable to cope with the loss of him. He wondered how many millions went through things like this and worse every single day, but life went on and the earth spun around like it had for billions of years. This is a normal everyday occurrence – death and passing. Not everyone gets as much notice in advance, even if they live for very long, he observed. It was a long sleepless, restless night. He dozed off, exhausted in early morning hours. He was feeling very sleepy and numb when the alarm went off. He did not feel like waking up. He turned the alarm off and went back to sleep.
Copyright (c) Kannan Narayanamurthy 2015
All rights reserved
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