Life's Non-Contradictions

Life's Non-Contradictions

Happy and sad, angry and calm, loving and hateful. The examples go on. We usually teach  our children these pairs are opposites. Apparently if you are feeling one you are not feeling the other. One of them is branded 'good', or 'positive' while the other is 'bad' and 'negative'. We even have feeling good and feeling bad as opposites!

Ask someone, "How are you feeling?"

Usually an honest reply would be, "Feeling good", or "Feeling bad", but not both. Rarely, if ever, would you hear something like,"I am feeling really good and bad!"

The word 'happiness' is, in my opinion a catch-all word in English for many different feelings.

We are usually 'happy' when things go the way we would like, or we win something, or do well in an exam or when our team scores a goal. It would perhaps be more appropriate to use the word - 'elation' to describe this kind of happiness. We would tend to jump up and down, shout, do a strange dance or something. Such happiness is tied to a single event or occurrence.

Then there is the quiet kind of happiness that does not require a great exhibition to express. It may be just an awareness and knowledge that we are doing well, thankful for many good things and comforts in life. It does not require one single event or incident to trigger this kind of happiness. It can sometimes be a more powerful happiness than that of other kinds.

Similarly, there is sadness, grief or feeling bad. Some tied to a single event, news and cause us to express it loudly or externally with a burst of expression, crying or lamenting. There is also quiet sadness associated with the knowledge or awareness of great tragedies that might not cause us to burst out in tears. 

We tend to use the same words - happiness and sadness (positive and negative) to describe all kinds of feelings. 

Usually, we tend to be in a certain mood where one kind of feeling dominates - happiness or sadness. This is considered normal, as if feeling one thing at a time is the norm. It is considered that feeling one excludes the supposed opposite. If we are happy we are not supposed to be sad. If we think positive we are not supposed to be thinking negative.

 Rarely, do we go around with 'mixed' feelings, which we are supposed to quickly resolve one way or another and move on to one or the other.

Society also conditions us to be immersed primarily in one kind of feeling - happiness, positivity. 

Looking around in life, things are as they are - always there are good, great things happening in the world, all around us, all the time - some heroes doing things that make us happy hearing about them, there are bad, terrible things happening - innocent children and people hurt, killed, cheated, manipulated, insulted and exploited in the most cruel manner. There are tragic accidents worth mourning for and beautiful, heartwarming stories that make us happy to hear about - often in the very same 'event'. This is reality, always!

So, the question is - why can we not, or why do we not feel happy and sad at the same time, most of the time? Is it a contradiction?

I am sure we are all aware of the fact that there are reasons to be happy and reasons to be sad at any time, but somehow that our expression and dominant mood should be one or the other. Why? 

Why is not possible to accept that we can feel happy and sad (equally or as appropriate to the things we are aware of) most of the time, since that surely matches reality?

Of course, there are some news or events that will and should grab our attention and mood and dominate our feelings for some period of time. But that is the one that should pass quickly and we should get back to our normal mode.

But what should our default, normal mode be? Should it be one of irrational or unreasonable 'happiness' (really elation?) or a balanced and appropriate mixture of both, depending on the things that we are aware of?

When happy things happen, no one calls us to 'restrain' ourselves and not let it overwhelm us, usually, unless we go crazily overboard. We encourage oversized displays of elation.

When sad things happen, we are told to keep the positives in mind and restrain ourselves from getting overwhelmed by sadness or grief. We cannot accept or encourage oversized displays of sadness or grief.

Is it because we are addicted to a feeling of elation? Do we believe that it is a normal state to be in, most of the time? Is this a cause for many of societies problems? I find this true to a great extent in the western societies where I have lived and live.

Could a good form of happiness be a mix of feelings of both elation and sobriety?

I find that many seemingly contradictory or mutually exclusive feelings are not really so. They can all be present at the same time and help us achieve a better mental balance and outlook to life. 

Strangely enough, when true happiness and joy overwhelms us, we humans shed tears and cry and when grief turns us crazy, we smile or laugh! I have never seen animals do that.


Copyright  (c) Kannan Narayanamurthy 2015


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