Transcript Of My Conversations With God – I

Be Nice or Be Just?

The other day, alone and resting for a little while, my kids away at school, I was talking to God. For as long as I can remember, it has been a one-sided conversation. I was ‘praying.’ Though, to be accurate, I have to confess I was asking for a few things of God. Some among my family and dear friends had birthdays coming up, someone was embarking on an important journey to start a new job, an old relative was quite ill, apparently dying, and a group of young kids I knew were heading out to camp for a few days in the wilderness.

“God, please give X, Y a happy birthday and a good year.  Please grant that their dreams come true and that their families have good fortune and success all through the coming year. God, let great-uncle recover from his illness and have a few more years of reasonable health – his children still love him and he wants to see his great-grand kids who are planning to visit him from abroad. God, with your grace, may Z have a good beginning and a good career from this new job! God- oh-Almighty, Oh-All-Powerful-One, may the kids have a safe camping trip, may no misfortune befall them and they all return safely home to their loving families. Over and above these, God, please let everyone be happy and at peace! Thank you for all the blessings I have had so far. Yours truly!”

“Sorry. Can’t do! Kannan!” I thought I heard a deep male voice say it.

I was stunned! Until today, I had never heard such a reply to my silent, direct prayers to God. I had always assumed he heard me and went on quietly with his great job.

“Who said that?!!” I asked, actually aloud with some surprise.

“Shh! No need to shout, I can hear you thinking. Its I, GOD. I just thought I’d let you know upfront, not to have expectations of me that I cannot deliver, so you won’t be disappointed in me,” he replied.

“So, you are a male as most make you out to be?” I was not going to let go of this opportunity to nail down a few details and feeling secretly proud and vindicated to know God was male after all.

“Well, I appear in the form that you attribute to me. If you think of me as a male, it is easier to get on with the issues, if I did not appear in a female form and try to convince to that I am indeed God.”

“Oh! Good thinking!” I said with some admiration, “But, may I ask why you chose to respond this time, after all these years?”

“Look, Kannan, you seem sincere in your wishes and appear to be a logical and rational type of person with a scientific orientation to your thinking. So, I thought you might understand my reasons, on a rational basis, if things don’t work out as you desire. I am fond of you and would hate to see you suffer from disappointment in me.”

While I was flattered and pleased that the great man too had noted my logical and scientific temperament (that I was secretly proud of) I was also disappointed to know that my prayers for my family and friends might not bear fruit. I had told them all that I would keep them in my prayers and they had all thanked me sincerely. I suppose I would now have to tell them, “Look, I have done my best, the rest is up to God, and if he himself tells me nothing more can be done, you have to accept it.”

I was quite thankful that until now, no one had come to assign direct blame to me when things have not gone according to my prayers in the past. I was hoping the trend would continue.

“Well, God, can I be bold enough to ask you, Why? Why can you not arrange things so that my prayers are answered? At least some of them? If not everyone being at peace, at the least can you not let great-uncle recover and have a few more months? Let the kids on the camping trip be safe. They are all young and innocent, haven’t lived their lives. I can vouch for the fact that these are two deserving candidates for your favours. You are all powerful, all knowing, of infinite mercy and goodness” I was both awed and a bit under-whelmed at this seemingly powerless God, though I tried to disguise it in the last sentence, hoping that just the right amount of flattery would make him want to live up to the expectations of a devotee who had such faith in him.

“Well, Kanna! Firstly, I know you wish all these people well. I will have it noted down and award you a brownie point. I see you are trying to flatter me and stoke my ego (of which I have none), and I will be the first to admit that I am not all-powerful. I cannot directly even speak in a sound that you or others can hear. I need to use one of you as a medium. I cannot move a stone or feed a hungry child unless I use another of my creations to do so. I cannot force any of you to be or think nice or stop you from doing all the atrocities you all commit, many even in my name. You can see that I am perhaps less powerful than you in many aspects. Now, let us move on.

Knowing your analytical and logical thinking and the teaching approach that you use with your students sometime, I will try to explain to you, by leading you to the answer to your question – Why? Sound OK?”

“OK, if you say so. But I am curious as to why, you the omniscient and omnipotent, cannot or do not want to do something nice,” I replied, secretly pleased that the brownie point was now mine, never mind what my friends and family feel about my prayers not being effective! I could deal with them and my anxiety on this issue calmly.

“For the sake of argument, what would you like to see me do Kannan? Choose between the following – something that is nice and good as you ask for, for these people you know? Or something that is just and fair to all without violating the laws of the universe?”

I just love arguments – rational, logical arguments, even those that I would occasionally lose, or so I fancied myself. So I was thrilled to enter into one with the great one himself.

I went into my argumentative and debating mode. I did not answer quickly, took some time to think, to ponder deliberately and slowly – this was not a school debate or argument with a friend – this was as important as it gets, with the great debater himself, the highest level I could hope to reach. I had to be careful and honest.

“I suppose you have to be fair and just and all, but can it not be that you can answer my prayers and still not violate justice or laws of the universe? I cannot imagine how the great principle of fairness and justice or a law of universe is violated if you help a good, honest kind man recover and save some innocent kids from danger.” I asked.

“I can see your point of view. But for the sake of argument, if it logically and rationally came to a choice between justice, fairness for all and doing as you want, what would you want me to choose?

Let us suppose that the reasoning for this situation is quite complicated and I am too powerless to speak to you or anyone and convince you every time you pray to me and ask these favours. Let me tell you, I get billions of such requests every day. Many of them are actually contradictory and if I grant one, it will disappoint another. Even though you might not think so, to be honest, the way you humans are, most of you do not even deserve what I have let you have. Even I cannot violate principles of logic and reasoning. I am a reasonable, logical God. Seriously, would you rather I not be so?”

I could start to see his point. I could sense his frustration. I decided to end the argument.

“I understand. Your reasoning is right. I withdraw my requests. Let justice be done, even if it is on a long term basis. I will see what I can personally do for my family and friends. I will not waste your time un-necessarily in the future,” I replied, wanting to not add to God’s misery.

“Look, Kannan, I cannot tell you what the future will be or the fate of your friends and family. That would be a violation of privacy and so many other rules and laws of nature and justice. I cannot explain all the reasoning leading up to your destiny. You cannot take it all in with your tiny brain and capacity in that puny body of yours.

However, don’t stop coming to me and sharing your thoughts and desires. I will listen to them, but cannot guarantee an outcome. So, don’t get your expectations up. Just know that in the grand, complicated scheme of things, if it is logical, many things you desire will happen. I am just glad you understand me, at least on this one issue. I am so relieved. You know that is one thing I too crave and it is one less irritant for my future from your persistent and sincere prayers.”

“OK, I have got to go now. Need to pick up my kids from school. Much as I would like to chat a bit longer and clarify a few more doubts I have harboured regarding you, I don’t have the time now. Talk to you later!” I said, picking up my keys and heading out the door.

“Sure, talk to you later. Come anytime, I have all the time in the world,” He said with a chuckle in his voice.

Copyright  (c) Kannan Narayanamurthy 2013

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