My Father, My Grandson?

It has been a few years since my father passed away, but it often seems like it was just yesterday. The people that knew him well in his younger days as teenager and young man are all themselves old now. Many are no longer around. Some still are though. My mother, who had known him since they were young and spent the major part of lifetime with him, shares with me some of the memories. She tells me of his favourite movies and songs, when we chat these days. We look back on old memories with fondness.
It is by chance of fate that I now find time to really listen to some of the songs that were the favourites of my father in his early years as a teenager and young father himself. They are timeless in their beauty and I have heard many of them, more than a few times.  When listening to them I can look at my father from a different perspective now.  

While I knew my father liked some of the classical music and compositions with deep philosophical meanings, I am coming to know of some of his favourites - popular songs and movies of his time. They are beautiful, light, fun musicals and dances embedded in popular movies. The themes of young love on the banks of the Cauvery River speak of the eternal repeating patterns in life. It is fascinating to imagine my father as a happy young man, still having all the instincts of a youth, blooming in the spring of his life.  Apparently, almost all in his family – his parents and siblings enjoyed these songs and my mother was part of this. She was their neighbour and was very good at singing, though self-taught.
The cares and burdens that my father took on early in life to support his family did not harden his heart and he used to listen to or hum some of them as I remember even in his last years. 

While one can endlessly debate the reality of reincarnation or rebirth, it certainly would be in proper order for those like my father. They who have done their duty towards others, taken care of their families, their children, their friends and colleagues, their countries deserve a well-earned break. They deserve a fresh, new body, a new energy, loving parents and a new start at a new lifetime, if that is what they want.

I can well imagine my father smiling now, saying, “I will wait a little longer here, where I am. I am with some of my good friends who arrived earlier. We are waiting for a few more of my friends to join us. We are planning to have a good party and gathering, chat about the past lifetimes. Sure, I would like to see you kids and the grandkids again, and I hope I come back to you. Just wait a little longer while we have some R&R here.”

I too smile at the thought of the big gatherings of my father and his friends and family. There would be great bursts of loud, sometimes even raucous laughter. There would be a festive or party spirit. Sometimes, even spirits were sneakily consumed behind the back of my mother who they imagined did not notice. She knew!!
I can wait. Yes, I secretly hope that my father would be born again into our family, perhaps as my own grandson. I now better understand the tradition of naming kids after their grandparents or great-grandparents in my culture.

Of course, I have to caution my kids – there is no hurry now! Focus on your studies or career or work. Enjoy your youth like your grandfather did or in some ways that he could not. You too listen to your own favourite songs and see your favourite movies. No pressure from me, no matter how your life turns out, so long as it an honest good life.

I can only dream or secretly hope. I think this is also a repeating pattern in life. I will perhaps catch my father again when I am older, when he is toddling along, bursting with the energy and spirit of the young. I may even see him enjoy his youth again. Who knows?



Copyright  (c) Kannan Narayanamurthy 2015
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