Winners and Losers

Winners And Losers

                                                                        

It was during my first year in the USA, as a student, that I first heard some person refer to another person as a ‘loser’. This girl we knew had been treated badly by a very popular and talented boy that she regarded as her boyfriend. He was a champion athlete and apparently from a very well-to-do family. He had won many trophies and some of the fame had gone to his head. Finally, all her friends suggested she dump him and move on. I knew both and honestly told my friend, “I think he does not take you seriously now and has definitely treated you badly. It does not appear that he will change towards you. You should definitely consider calling it quits and move on. It is better that you know now, earlier than later. It would be been worse if you had gotten married. I don’t think he deserves you and you don’t deserve to be treated like this.” Another girl, a friend of this girl said with feeling, “Just dump him! He is such a loser!” Everyone chimed in and repeated it. Finally, the poor, sad girl said it with great vehemence, “Yes! I have decided. I am out. He is such a LOSER and I am going to tell him so!!” A cheer went up.

Earlier growing up in India, I had read the expression “You are a loser!” or “He is a loser” when reading literature. It had always struck me as odd and I felt I did not understand the cultural context in which it is said and what it meant. Now, I had heard it first hand as a neutral observer knowing what had happened and as it was said spontaneously. It still struck me as odd. I realised that an Indian in India would have said something different – words to the effect “You are a nasty or bad person and I don’t want to have anything more to do with you”. It was only after having lived in the USA for a while and experienced the dominant culture there that I understood how and why it is said so. ‘Loser’ was being used as an ultimate offensive put-down word, meant to hurt the feelings of someone, to induce a feeling of worthlessness. It was a deliberate, cruel, psychological attack. But it would only have an effect on someone who thought the same way. I realised it would not have the same effect on the intended target from another culture, who did not base their self-esteem on being termed a ‘winner’ or a ‘loser’.

The way we understood winners and losers in India was – in most situations and competitions in the world, there is usually, technically, just one winner (an individual or a single team), all others are losers. Unless there are just two competitors, there is always a majority of losers and a small minority of winners in any competitive arena. Another way of winning was through sheer luck, as in a lottery or draw. Winners in this had no more talent or skill than the rest, so losers were just not lucky!

 Most of us in the world, by an overwhelming majority are ‘losers’ and perfectly, happy, good self-confident people. While there is honour in winning, there is no dishonour or shame in losing. Dishonour or shame came from not playing by the rules. One would never call someone a ‘loser’ as a put down in the India that I grew up in India when we grew up. It was hurtful to call someone a ‘bad’ person, a ‘dishonourable’ person by citing their offending acts that were beyond dispute.

I understood why the people in the USA use the term ‘loser’ as a derogatory one. It seems to stem from a culture where ‘winning’ is worshipped, applauded and valued. It has been for a long time and over a period of lawlessness (might is right). The actual means of winning was not considered important to remark on. All dishonour vanished when someone ‘won’. The ‘losers’ were the unfortunate ones. This seems to seep deep into the culture of the USA and the culture and outlook that emanates from it. Everyone wants to be a ‘winner’. They even say this in coaching and at school when they want to boost morale. They give prizes to everyone and say “Everyone is a winner!” It seems rather illogical. Why not accept that only a few will really ‘win’ on merit or luck and that is no negative reflection on someone who does not?

I note with regret, these days, when I often see many Indians use the same term “You/He/She is a loser!” They are all trying to ape the people in the USA. It is so incongruent with reality and our culture, where many ‘losers’ were revered, looked up to, admired and respected as saints or leaders, because they were honourable, good people!

What happened to such simple, clear words such as ‘bad’, or ‘evil’, or ‘nasty’ that could be used more accurately? 


Copyright  (c) Kannan Narayanamurthy 2014

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