What We Have And What We Want

What We Have And What We Want

It was 10-am, the first coffee-break time at the office. Everyone trooped into the office kitchen coffee mugs in hand and lined up at the hot water dispenser. They filled their mugs, took the little paper tubes of coffee or teabags,sugar, milk and the biscuits or cakes on the serving table and found their way to their favourite seats next to their favourite colleagues for a chat.

As usual, people talked about how their previous day or the weekend had been, about pressing personal issues or gossiped for a few minutes, before heading back to their work. It was a great de-stresser in the mornings after the first spell of work that began early at 7 am. It gave a chance for people to let out their personal feelings a bit. It gave employees an idea of how their collegues felt that day and how they might need to be dealt with. Managers made it a point to come to these coffee breaks as per recommended office policy.

At one table where there were four women seated, one woman who looked a bit stressed was asked, "Agnes, How are you, doing?"

Everyone knew what was coming. They had heard her before.

She started in the usual way, " Dont get me started!! My husband trails dirt on to the just cleaned carpet floor with his dirty muddy boots, yesterday after doing the yard work. Supposedly saved me a packet, but it was tiring cleaning up after him.He cant get the shopping done right, nor the clothes, nor clean up. He can do nothing properly without me cleaning up after him. Every time he does something to 'help' me, I have something more to do. Drives me up the wall!!
My children make a mess around the house - spilling food, drinks, dribbling, throwing up
(something atleast once an hour). The little one cries, needs attention, the two year old whinges and whines - I cannot get a moment's peace at home. Lucky, I have my mother to help me when we both go to work. We need the money, but truly, I am thankful to be at the office. I slow down, get my work done and get a break from all the mess, stress and noise at home. Helps keep my sanity. Honestly, sometimes I wish they would all go away somewhere and leave me alone. I want some peace, some quiet, some time for myself, to look around, enjoy the sunshine or rain or smell the roses that grow in my garden. I wish I could afford to travel somewhere exotic or go to a fancy restaurant once a month.

There!! I have let it all out! Tell me how you are doing, Bobby?" she finished, passing on the turn to speak to the woman next to her.

"Oh, I am fine. No husband, no kids. My apartment is small and clean. I have time to read, listen to music, took a walk, met some nice neighbours, chatted, had tea with them, a fine day. I go out to the movies, concerts, library and dances. I can afford the nice things in life and travel around too. I am happy with life," replied Bobby.

Bobby as usual did not say much more. She looked down the table to the next person,"Yes Chloe! How are you doing?"

"Well, my house is a bit like Agnes'. It is a mess too. I can relate to what Agnes's says. My husband Rob has two left hands with all thumbs. He is also a bit cranky to boot! My kids are the same as Agnes'. Between me and Rob, both working, we barely manage to pay for the daycare. I have no time at all for myself, travel or go out to eat. The last time we went out to eat at a restaurant to save some effort on cooking, it was a memorable occasion - the mess the kids made, one pulled the table cloth down on to the floor with all the dishes. I guess things will get better as the kids grow older. But I am quite happy with life. Would not trade any of it for anything else in the world," said Chloe quietly.

All looked at Denise next. She was the oldest of them all, middle-aged. She was one of the quietest usually, tough, fair, but well liked.

"My situation is a lot like Bobby's. I am single, comfortable clean little house, very little needs to be done. All the time in the world for me. I can do anything I want. Everyone around my neighbourhood is nice. But I am not happy with life," she said.

"Why?!! What is bothering you? What do you want?" There was a chorus of questions from around the table.

Denise looked around, her eyes settled on Agnes briefly and moved on, around the table, making eye contact with each of them. Her normally placid expression changed - an expression of incredible sadness came over her face, like a mask was slipped on.

She started quietly,"I wish I had a husband who loved me. I would happily clean up after his mess. I wish I had kids that made messes and noises and drove me up the walls. I would not mind being dog-tired at the end of the day. I would welcome the whinging of two kids and a husband. I would not care to go out and eat or travel anywhere if had a full family. In my old age, I would be happy just looking at them, remembering all I had to go through to get them there."

She paused for a moment. Then she resumed," I, I, envy you all, even Bobby, because she is happy as she is.. I wish..." it was more than she could bear her voice quavered a bit. She stopped, swallowed. A tear, seemed to slip from her eyes and made its way silently down her cheek.

Everyone was silent for a moment before going around the give her a group hug.

They all walked away in deep thought after the break.


Copyright  (c) Kannan Narayanamurthy 2013

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