We all know the feeling - when we experience something wonderful and positive, gain a new insight or wisdom about life after a painful experience. We wish our loved ones, especially our children could also experience the same great feelings and get the same 'wisdom' or insight into life. Would we wish they too went through the 'hell' or painful experiences we went through?
We often constantly wish aloud, pray or bless them to be spared the 'hell' or pain that we went through, but only get the positive takeaways. Is it not unreasonable to expect so? Some wisdom and feelings come only from 'painful' experiences - there is no way around it.
Sure, in theory, others could learn something from some of our pain or mistakes, but for that, they need to feel empathy, literally feel the pain in their imagination and it has to be at their own initiative.
Should we rather wish that our loved ones went through some of the deepest hurt and rough experiences, but that they came out of them, the better for having been through them? Maybe all that we can offer is support and an example to others that they too can make it.