A Typical Day on ChinaDaily Bulletin Board Service

USAnian: I am visiting China for the first time. It is mostly not as I was expecting to be. There are some really modern and beautiful parts of the city. There aren't thought and speech police at every corner telling people what to think and speak. None that I can see anyway. They must be quite discreet and hidden if they are there. However, I don't like the way the people crowd into public transport with little consideration for personal space. It is messy in the vegetable markets in the outskirts and not enough English language ATMs around. I had to travel 2 kms to find one. If China aspires to be a first world country like the USA, they need to change. I hear they launched a new satellite for making their own maps and GPS like Google. This is money ill-spent. They should have simply subscribed to Google and spent the money cleaning up the streets around the vegetable markets and putting more ATMs and creating more personal space on public transport. That way, they will become like the USA sooner. But I guess the people don't really have a say. It is still not a democracy! I feel sorry for the Chinese people. They are quite friendly to me and towards the USA.

Canadian:  Yes, the Chinese people may be so, but their leaders are not elected democratically. They do not have the same priorities as the Chinese people. The streets may be messy, but they are actually quite safe, as safe the streets back home in Canada with a very low crime rate. Lucky they have sensible gun laws like we do in Canada. Looks like they may actually want to  be more like Canada than the USA.

UKian: Well, The mainland has only begun to start learning western values and democracy from Hong Kong which we trained and left for them to learn from. Yes, it is a terrible waste of money they put into satellites and developing their own computer operating systems, search engines and airplanes. There are so many Chinese struggling, working in far-off cities leaving behind their children and family. They cannot get 'Hukou' where they want to be. It is still communist and there is no freedom of movement. It is still deceptively capitalistic. Capitalism does not really equate to democracy. They have a long way to go. They still have to learn proper English before they can manage democracy.

English-speaking expat from Africa: My dear old chap, I posit that it is because the CPC is still ruling China like the Emperors did before them. They are actually the same party. They just want to copy the West in everything but true democracy like us Europeans! They are all just good at copying, no originality or innovation. They have been taught not to think one original thought by the CPC who killed a hundred million Chinese since the 14th century for doing so since the cultural revolution. Yes, the Chinese are ungrateful for all the efforts we put into civilizing them and trying to bring them into the 21st century. They are resisting, just like the Africans and still stuck in the 14th century mindset, old sport!

Scandivanian European: I think I am more balanced here on this issue. I think China is actually trying to be more like Europe. We are a mix of socialism and capitalism and democracy. We are more socialist than China, more democratic than the USA or UK. However, I thought the CPC killed 80 million during the cultural revolution.

Aussie: Your wrong Scandinavian, if your really Scandinavian. Australia is more like Scandinavia than Scandinavian countries. Only it is hotter here.

Canadian: Excuse me for interrupting, Aussie. That should read 'You are wrong' or 'You're wrong'. What you have written is wrong.  YOU ARE WRONG!

Aussie: Well, you can n**k off. I know my Aussie language - it is English. I never had a problem with it all these years. No one else ever had a problem with it to tell it to my face. You have a problem with it? Do yer? You want to tell it to my face? Maybe your face will change its shape and you will change your mind. YOUR WRONG!

Kiwi: We are closer to China than the rest of the civilized world. China should learn to be like us. We have successfully modeled a clean, healthy democracy under Her Majesty. Btw, I read in an old book somewhere that the CPC killed 50 million during the cultural revolution. I see that they have been updating the figures over the decades. It has taken western historians so long to arrive at the most precise figures now after sustained research over a long period of time, collecting all the firsthand accounts from the second-hand accounts from  third-hand accounts of people in China who had lost friends and relatives!

Neutral Non-English observer:  Hmm... Interesting discussion...

Some Chinese:  Hey! WTF?!!

Most Chinese: <silent>

**************************************************************

USAnian woman: I really enjoyed my experiences in China, even though it was mixed. My heart really bled for the Chinese women, who do not have the basic rights enjoyed by us in the USA. There is really no standard of color coding women's toilets and shopping sections in malls in distinct pink so that they can easily find their way. It makes them so dependent on others, often men in asking for directions. This has to change if China wants to claim to be a first world country or an advanced civilization. Some of the signboards for women's toilets actually are in BLUE!!

UKian: I suppose they do know that they can never defeat us in the West with military force no matter how hard they try. They should really give it up and spend all that money on the proper coloured signboards for toilets, feeding the hungry on the streets and frankly better street lights where I live in China, many of the lamps have blown out and the street leading to my apartment could use some clean up.

Canadian: I think it is because of all the money they spend on nuclear energy and weapons. They are following the wrong role model on those issues - France and the USA. Canada is the ideal combination of all that is good in the West. Many Chinese agree. That is why we have such a large number of them. They are buying up some of the best houses in Vancouver and pushing up prices so that the average Canadian finds it hard to own a home.

Aussie: Tell me about it! We Aussies know that feeling. The Chinese are buying up a lot of Sydney and Melbourne. I tell them, you cannot buy democracy. Your barking up the wrong tree.

Kiwi: I think Australia has plenty of land to sell, even if not much of democracy. If as many rich Chinese start to buy up our New Zealand, we will not have a country left! We are a small nation.

English-speaking expat from Africa: It is all an ego trip for the CPC and the leaders of China to have those nuclear weapons. It does not fit in with the idea of a civilized nation, unless the nation happens to be European like South Africa or Israel. That is because Europeans are fundamentally civilized from the times of the Roman and Greek empires. We coined the word 'civilization' so we know what it really is. We are still diligently imparting it to the Africans. We resent the Chinese coming there under the guise of trade and commerce and actually practicing fair trade and commerce! It takes away from our philanthropic European efforts of many centuries!

European: Well, we Europeans now have a common, united approach (with the exception of the UK) in dealing with the world ethically, even with Africa and China. We will only do so as per the European Constitution, which by the way was dictated to us by our Gods - the USAnians.

Aussie: Were the same way too. We are as independent as Europe. And YOUR WRONG Canada!

Kiwi: Well Aussie, we can still beat you in cricket!

Neutral Non-English observer:   Hey, folks, but is it double standards and arrogant of you folks to write about China this way and revise history... Isn't your idea of democracy, monarchy and military spending...

English-speaking expat from Africa: Aren't you from India? What are you doing here? Shouldn't you should be charming a snake or doing a rope trick or harassing women?

UKian: He is anti-British. Look at all the thanks we get for trying to bring civilization and helping their economy.

Neutral Non-English observer:  Hey, but it was the British colonials who ruined the Indian economy in the first place! You certainly have some chutzpah...

Aussie:  He is anti-western. He is ungrateful for the English that he has learned and uses. It took thousands of years to develop English and we gave it to them for free. We don't want such immigrants in our country. Go back!!

USAnian: You silly Europeans and others are wasting your time and breath arguing and debating. We Americans have the best debate winner and argument finisher. We used one against Japan and people complained it was too loud. So we used milder ones against Saddam and Libya. The world has gone wimpy these days whining about collateral damage!

Some Chinese: What do you mean? Are you threatening us? You know we can respond too...

Most Chinese: <silent>

**************************************************************

USAnian:  Did you read about the industrial accident  reported in Chinese media? Sad to hear about the loss of life. I wish they took greater care, followed procedures and had greater safety standards and regulations! But of course, what can one expect? It is after all not a democracy like us.

Canadian: Hey, yes, I saw that report too. But you know, the Chinese are not really communist either. They are capitalist. More capitalist than many democracies. I suppose it is a process and one day they will become like Canada.

UKian:  Hey! What do you mean? Canada is modeled after the UK. It is OUR Queen that is YOUR Head of State, not the other way around. We are the little big mother country. You, the Oz and NZ are all our juniors. Don't you forget it!

English-speaking expat from Africa: The CPC is responsible for this accident and has refused to apologize to the people of the world. They have censored all the news and details so that no one knows what is happening. They are not letting western media wander freely through the accident scene. It is proof they are hiding and covering up something. I happen to know the governor of the local government to whom I sell my special 'vintage' wine and they refused to meet me as they normally do in the backroom of a fancy restaurant.

European: We have the lowest accident rate in this kind of industry in the world. We have the strictest regulations and even USAnian companies have to abide by our laws (mostly), which of course are the laws given to us in our constitution, given to us by our Gods - the USA.

Aussie: Your right.

Canadian: When you say 'Your right', Do you mean it is someone's right to say or do what he did and you are acknowledging it? Or do you mean.. Well, never mind!!

Kiwi:  Sad to hear about this accident. I hope we can offer some comfort to the Chinese in these times. We can offer them sheep and lamb. We have more sheep in NZ than people. We can only help them so much, because they do not want to be a democracy like us, under Her Majesty.

Neutral Non-English observer: From the way I see it, more people are like sheep in many of your countries anyway...

Some Chinese: Accidents happen in all countries. Chinese will work to learn from this and get better.

Most Chinese: <silent>

**************************************************************

USAnian: Saddened to read about that kidnapping and car crash in China today. It is tragic that the perpetrator was kidnapping his own child and crashed his car during the police chase. I hope the child comes through alright and the man is punished to the fullest extent of the law.

UKian: They do not enforce the simplest driving laws in China, how can you expect them to enforce the tougher ones? After all, this is not a democracy like ours.

English-speaking expat from Africa: Yes the CPC is trying to avoid blame and culpability for this horrible incident.

European: We have the strictest child protection laws in many parts of Europe. China has a long way to go before they become like us.

Aussie: Your like Australia.

Kiwi:  We're like Australia too.

Neutral Non-English observer:  Well this incident seems to be one involving an individual's personal issues..

UKian:  Can you provide links and references to solid proof of that?

Some Chinese: Hey, the incident happened yesterday, this is what is reported by the local news and police reports.

English-speaking expat from Africa: Oh, isn't that so convenient? I can tell you they are trying to cover up and hide.

UKian:  So you have no proof that can stand up in court? Yes, it is sad that this is what happens when there is no western style democracy in China. Particularly if they spend most of their money in developing advanced technology and systems. The CPC don't learn from us how to run their country.

English-speaking expat from Africa: If they cannot have democracy themselves, at least they can simply listen to us Europeans and do as we say. It would benefit the millions of Chinese, for whom my heart bleeds, if only they could express their free will to the CPC and demand, nay force them to do as we tell them to.

Most Chinese: How about you all have a cup of tea? It is good, calming and soothing. Good for your health and digestion.



Copyright  (c) Kannan Narayanamurthy 2015
All rights reserved 

Fifty-Fifty

Setting:  A big conference hall or small theater. Moderators are on stage or at the head of the table next to a large screen projection/Electronic Whiteboard. A group of men are seated on one side of the moderators and a group of women are seated on the other side. There is an audience seated and watching the whole discussion as it unfolds.

Cast of characters: Moderators 1 and 2 (One female and one male), About ten women and ten men who are attending the session.

Moderator 1: Hello, everyone! Welcome to Fifty-fifty! This is a forum for those that believe or expect 'equality' or a '50/50' distribution of rights and responsibilities in a marriage. For those that do not care about it or do not have expectations, this discussion does not matter. So long as the partners agree to any arrangement suitable to them, it is nobody else's business. 'Fairness' as judged by anyone else is less important to them than love and what they can do for each other. Each of them only focuses on what they can contribute with no hard expectations of the other. They may work out whoever can do whatever best at the moment and go on happily in life. In this way, they will manage happily. They might be here only as observers without a passionate stance on issues. This is for those who do not have such a relationship.

Talking about equality and fairness between spouses in a relationship or marriage, let's start with a basic, fair, down the middle, absolutely equal share of expectations of each other and responsibilities as listed below. If there is something you feel needs to be added, it has to be identical in both the columns.

The following Table appears on the big screen so that everyone can see it clearly.

Fifty-Fifty Table - Default

Item	Woman	Man
1.	Accept Man as he is- No specific requirement	Accept Woman as she is – No specific requirement
2.	Give birth to children and nurse them when young	Change nappies, burp, dress children and do their laundry. Carry them MORE than the mother to make up for inability to bear and nurse children
3.	Provide Family living costs -50%	Provide Family living costs -50%
4.	Household chores – 50%	Household chores – 50%
5.	Cook, clean, prepare food, help children – 50%	Cook, clean, prepare food, help children – 50%
6.	Expect to be treated with kindness, love and emotional support	Expect to be treated with kindness, love and emotional support
7.	Expect to participate and make important decisions and take responsibility for them	Expect to participate and make important decisions and take responsibility for them

Now, few can dispute the equality or fairness of the above arrangement, no matter what their feelings of a need for 'fifty-fifty' in marriage. It is’ Fifty-Fifty’ down the middle in all possible areas and a different but equal responsibility where it is biologically not possible to have exactly equal roles. Of course, it is very rare that the actual reality of a relationship or marriage is reflected in the above tables. However, it is possible to maintain the same level of fairness and achieve a different but equitable distribution of responsibilities and expectations.

To arrive at such a changed list, let us start with the above and do the following:

When the responsibility or expectations of one is changed under one column (either Man or Woman) there has to be a corresponding or agreed upon change to compensate the other party for any change away from unfairness. This way, each change to the above tables will result in a final table that will continue to be fair and equitable and something all can agree upon.

Okay, so shall we start and make a few changes progressively and see how different fair arrangements can be arrived at to suit different couples?

Item 1. Can you accept your partner as they are?

1.a) If not, what are your preferences in a partner?

Can the women suggest any special preferences or expectations they would like to have in a man for him to be acceptable as a partner? Can you take a moment to discuss and can someone read out a list?

The women all excitedly discuss among themselves for a few minutes and one of them reads out a list she has compiled.

1.a.1 -  Man needs to be tall, attractive/handsome

1.a.2 -  Man needs to be physically fit and dress smartly

1.a.3 -  Man should not have any addictions or bad habits - no smoking, no excessive drinking, no gambling

1.a.4 - The man should have some artistic or creative talent

1.a.5 - The man should be a good conversationalist - be able to listen with interest and talk interestingly

1.a.6 - Man must be atleast 2 inches taller than the woman

1.a.7 - The man must treat his wife like a lady, a cherished princess and want to lay the world at her feet

1.a.8 - The man must be masculine in his behaviour

OK, Now can the men discuss and come up with counter responses to each of these so that we can make the list perfectly fair again? Can one of you compile the list and read it out?

The men discuss the list put out by the women. A few minutes later one of them reads the list of responses to the women's changes to the list

1.a.1 - Woman needs to have smooth complexion and be physically attractive

1.a.2 - Woman needs to be physically fit and dress attractively

1.a.3 - The woman should not have any addictions or bad habits – no smoking, no excessive drinking, no gambling

1.a.4 - The woman should have some artistic or creative talent

1.a.5 - The woman should be a good conversationalist – be able to listen with interest and talk interestingly

1.a.6 - The woman must be atleast 2 inches shorter than the man

1.a.7 - The woman must treat her husband like a prince and want to please him

1.a.8 - The woman must be feminine in her behaviour

So, each of these items is added to the list and table looks as follows. It is now fair again.

Fifty-Fifty – Modified to suit personal preferences Round 1

Item	Woman	Man
1.	Accept Man as he is- No specific requirement	Accept Woman as she is – No specific requirement
1.a.1	Man needs to be tall, attractive/handsome	Woman needs to have smooth complexion, good hair and be physically attractive
1.a.2	Man needs to be physically fit and dress smartly	Woman needs to be physically fit and dress attractively
1.a.3	Man should not have any addictions or bad habits - no smoking, no excessive drinking, no gambling	The woman should not have any addictions or bad habits – no smoking, no excessive drinking, no gambling
1.a.4	The man should have some artistic or creative talent	The woman should have some artistic or creative talent
1.a.5	The man should be a good conversationalist - be able to listen with interest and talk interestingly	The woman should be a good conversationalist – be able to listen with interest and talk interestingly
1.a.6	Man must be atleast 2 inches taller than the woman	The woman must be atleast 2 inches shorter than the man
1.a.7	The man must treat his wife like a lady, a cherished princess and want to lay the world at her feet.	The woman must treat her husband like a prince and want to please him
1.a.8	The man must be masculine in his behaviour	The woman must be feminine in her behaviour
2.	Give birth to children and nurse them when young	Change nappies, burp, dress children and do their laundry. Carry them MORE than the mother to make up for inability to bear and nurse children
3.	Provide Family living costs -50%	Provide Family living costs -50%
4.	Household chores – 50%	Household chores – 50%
5.	Cook, clean, prepare food, help children – 50%	Cook, clean, prepare food, help children – 50%
6.	Expect to be treated with kindness, love and emotional support	Expect to be treated with kindness, love and emotional support
7.	Expect to participate and make important decisions and take responsibility for them	Expect to participate and make important decisions and take responsibility for them

Item 2. Would you like to change the expectation that each person be an equal financial provider for the household to suit your preference?

For Round 2, the women came up with the following

3,4,5.a.1 -  Man should be gainfully employed, financially strong enough to support the family even if woman cannot work

For Round 2, the men responded with the following

3,4,5.a.1 - Woman should be either gainfully employed and financially strong enough to support the family even if the man cannot work, OR the woman should be skilled in household chores – cooking, cleaning and maintaining a good house within a reasonable budget if the man is fully financially supporting the family

After adding the above modifications for varying financial expectations, the table now looked as follows!

Fifty-Fifty – Modified to suit personal preferences Round 2

Item	Woman		Man
1.	Accept Man as he is- No specific requirement		Accept Woman as she is – No specific requirement
1.a.1	Man needs to be tall, attractive/handsome		Woman needs to have smooth complexion, good hair and be physically attractive
1.a.2	Man needs to be physically fit and dress smartly		Woman needs to be physically fit and dress attractively
1.a.3	Man should not have any addictions or bad habits - no smoking, no excessive drinking, no gambling		The woman should not have any addictions or bad habits – no smoking, no excessive drinking, no gambling
1.a.4	The man should have some artistic or creative talent		The woman should have some artistic or creative talent
1.a.5	The man should be a good conversationalist - be able to listen with interest and talk interestingly		The woman should be a good conversationalist – be able to listen with interest and talk interestingly
1.a.6	Man must be atleast 2 inches taller than the woman		The woman must be atleast 2 inches shorter than the man
1.a.7	The man must treat his wife like a lady, a cherished princess and want to lay the world at her feet.		The woman must treat her husband like a prince and want to please him
1.a.8	The man must be masculine in his behaviour	The woman must be feminine in her behaviour
2.	Give birth to children and nurse them when young		Change nappies, burp, dress children and do their laundry. Carry them MORE than the mother to make up for inability to bear and nurse children
3.	Provide Family living costs -50%		Provide Family living costs -50%
4.	Household chores – 50%		Household chores – 50%
5.	Cook, clean, prepare food, help children – 50%		Cook, clean, prepare food, help children – 50%
3,4,5.a.1	Man should be gainfully employed, financially strong enough to support the family even if woman cannot work		Woman should be either gainfully employed and financially strong enough to support the family even if the man cannot work, OR the woman should be skilled and able to take complete responsibility for all household chores – cooking, cleaning and maintaining a good house within a reasonable budget if the man is fully financially supporting the family
6.	Expect to be treated with kindness, love and emotional support		Expect to be treated with kindness, love and emotional support
7.	Expect to participate and make important decisions and take responsibility for them		Expect to participate and make important decisions and take responsibility for them

Suddenly, some of the women were seen getting up and leaving the hall. They could see where the discussion was headed. They had had enough. It was the end of discussion for them. A few remained to continue valiantly.

Item 3. Would you like to change anything else to suit your preferences?

The last of the women remaining came up with the last additional expectation they had in a man

7.a.1. The man should ‘be a man’ and put the wife and children first and be ready to step up and step out in front of them to protect them from danger and hardships, putting his own interests last and putting his life on the line if need be.

The men came up with response to this.

7.a.1  After a certain point in debating or discussing issues and the men trying to convince them, the woman and children should obey the man, respect his decisions and support him even if they do not agree with them.

So, adding these two, the Fair Fifty-Fifty Table now looked as follows after round 3.

FiftyFifty – Modified to suit personal preferences Round 3

Item	Woman		Man
1.	Accept Man as he is- No specific requirement		Accept Woman as she is – No specific requirement
1.a.1	Man needs to be tall, attractive/handsome		Woman needs to have smooth complexion, good hair and be physically attractive
1.a.2	Man needs to be physically fit and dress smartly		Woman needs to be physically fit and dress attractively
1.a.3	Man should not have any addictions or bad habits - no smoking, no excessive drinking, no gambling		The woman should not have any addictions or bad habits – no smoking, no excessive drinking, no gambling
1.a.4	The man should have some artistic or creative talent		The woman should have some artistic or creative talent
1.a.5	The man should be a good conversationalist - be able to listen with interest and talk interestingly		The woman should be a good conversationalist – be able to listen with interest and talk interestingly
1.a.6	Man must be atleast 2 inches taller than the woman		The woman must be atleast 2 inches shorter than the man
1.a.7	The man must treat his wife like a lady, a cherished princess and want to lay the world at her feet.		The woman must treat her husband like a prince and want to please him
1.a.8	The man must be masculine in his behaviour	The woman must be feminine in her behaviour
2.	Give birth to children and nurse them when young		Change nappies, burp, dress children and do their laundry. Carry them MORE than the mother to make up for inability to bear and nurse children
3.	Provide Family living costs -50%		Provide Family living costs -50%
4.	Household chores – 50%		Household chores – 50%
5.	Cook, clean, prepare food, help children – 50%		Cook, clean, prepare food, help children – 50%
3,4,5.a.1	Man should be gainfully employed, financially strong enough to support the family even if woman cannot work		Woman should be either gainfully employed and financially strong enough to support the family even if the man cannot work, OR the woman should be skilled and able to take complete responsibility for all household chores – cooking, cleaning and maintaining a good house within a reasonable budget if the man is fully financially supporting the family
6.	Expect to be treated with kindness, love and emotional support		Expect to be treated with kindness, love and emotional support
7.	Expect to participate and make important decisions and take responsibility for them		Expect to participate and make important decisions and take responsibility for them
7.a.1	The man should ‘be a man’ and put the wife and children first and be ready to step up and step out in front of them to protect them from danger and hardships, putting his own interests last and putting his life on the line if need be		After a certain point in debating or discussing issues and the men trying to convince them, the woman and children should obey the man, respect his decisions and support him even if they do not agree with them.

Looking at the final list, an old-fashioned couple who were sitting in the audience started to laugh and could not stop laughing for a long time. Now, if you too, look at the final list and you can figure out what made them laugh, you will understand what is fair and what is not. What works best and what does not




Copyright  (c) Kannan Narayanamurthy 2015
All rights reserved