The other day, alone and resting for a
little while, my kids away at school, I was talking to God. For as long as I
can remember, it has been a one-sided conversation. I was ‘praying.’ Though, to
be accurate, I have to confess I was asking for a few things of God. Some among
my family and dear friends had birthdays coming up, someone was embarking on an
important journey to start a new job, an old relative was quite ill, apparently
dying, and a group of young kids I knew were heading out to camp for a few days
in the wilderness.
“God, please give X, Y a happy
birthday and a good year. Please grant
that their dreams come true and that their families have good fortune and
success all through the coming year. God, let great-uncle recover from his
illness and have a few more years of reasonable health – his children still
love him and he wants to see his great-grand kids who are planning to visit him
from abroad. God, with your grace, may Z have a good beginning and a good
career from this new job! God- oh-Almighty, Oh-All-Powerful-One, may the kids
have a safe camping trip, may no misfortune befall them and they all return
safely home to their loving families. Over and above these, God, please let
everyone be happy and at peace! Thank you for all the blessings I have had so
far. Yours truly!”
“Sorry. Can’t do! Kannan!” I thought I
heard a deep male voice say it.
I was stunned! Until today, I had
never heard such a reply to my silent, direct prayers to God. I had always
assumed he heard me and went on quietly with his great job.
“Who said that?!!” I asked, actually
aloud with some surprise.
“Shh! No need to shout, I can hear you
thinking. Its I, GOD. I just thought I’d let you know upfront, not to have
expectations of me that I cannot deliver, so you won’t be disappointed in me,”
he replied.
“So, you are a male as most make you
out to be?” I was not going to let go of this opportunity to nail down a few
details and feeling secretly proud and vindicated to know God was male after
all.
“Well, I appear in the form that you
attribute to me. If you think of me as a male, it is easier to get on with the
issues, if I did not appear in a female form and try to convince to that I am
indeed God.”
“Oh! Good thinking!” I said with some
admiration, “But, may I ask why you chose to respond this time, after all these
years?”
“Look, Kannan, you seem sincere in
your wishes and appear to be a logical and rational type of person with a scientific
orientation to your thinking. So, I thought you might understand my reasons, on
a rational basis, if things don’t work out as you desire. I am fond of you and
would hate to see you suffer from disappointment in me.”
While I was flattered and pleased that
the great man too had noted my logical and scientific temperament (that I was
secretly proud of) I was also disappointed to know that my prayers for my
family and friends might not bear fruit. I had told them all that I would keep
them in my prayers and they had all thanked me sincerely. I suppose I would now
have to tell them, “Look, I have done my best, the rest is up to God, and if he
himself tells me nothing more can be done, you have to accept it.”
I was quite thankful that until now,
no one had come to assign direct blame to me when things have not gone
according to my prayers in the past. I was hoping the trend would continue.
“Well, God, can I be bold enough to
ask you, Why? Why can you not arrange things so that my prayers are
answered? At least some of them? If not everyone being at peace, at the least can
you not let great-uncle recover and have a few more months? Let the kids on the
camping trip be safe. They are all young and innocent, haven’t lived their
lives. I can vouch for the fact that these are two deserving candidates for
your favours. You are all powerful, all knowing, of infinite mercy and
goodness” I was both awed and a bit under-whelmed at this seemingly powerless
God, though I tried to disguise it in the last sentence, hoping that just the
right amount of flattery would make him want to live up to the expectations of
a devotee who had such faith in him.
“Well, Kanna! Firstly, I know you wish
all these people well. I will have it noted down and award you a brownie point.
I see you are trying to flatter me and stoke my ego (of which I have none), and
I will be the first to admit that I am not all-powerful. I cannot directly even
speak in a sound that you or others can hear. I need to use one of you as a
medium. I cannot move a stone or feed a hungry child unless I use another of my
creations to do so. I cannot force any of you to be or think nice or stop you
from doing all the atrocities you all commit, many even in my name. You can see
that I am perhaps less powerful than you in many aspects. Now, let us move on.
Knowing your analytical and logical thinking
and the teaching approach that you use with your students sometime, I will try
to explain to you, by leading you to the answer to your question – Why? Sound OK?”
“OK, if you say so. But I am curious
as to why, you the omniscient and omnipotent, cannot or do not want to do
something nice,” I replied, secretly pleased that the brownie point was now
mine, never mind what my friends and family feel about my prayers not being
effective! I could deal with them and my anxiety on this issue calmly.
“For the sake of argument, what would
you like to see me do Kannan? Choose between the following – something that is
nice and good as you ask for, for these people you know? Or something that is
just and fair to all without violating the laws of the universe?”
I just love arguments – rational,
logical arguments, even those that I would occasionally lose, or so I fancied
myself. So I was thrilled to enter into one with the great one himself.
I went into my argumentative and
debating mode. I did not answer quickly, took some time to think, to ponder
deliberately and slowly – this was not a school debate or argument with a
friend – this was as important as it gets, with the great debater himself, the
highest level I could hope to reach. I had to be careful and honest.
“I suppose you have to be fair and
just and all, but can it not be that you can answer my prayers and still not
violate justice or laws of the universe? I cannot imagine how the great
principle of fairness and justice or a law of universe is violated if you help
a good, honest kind man recover and save some innocent kids from danger.” I
asked.
“I can see your point of view. But for
the sake of argument, if it logically and rationally came to a choice between
justice, fairness for all and doing as you want, what would you want me to
choose?
Let us suppose that the reasoning for
this situation is quite complicated and I am too powerless to speak to you or
anyone and convince you every time you pray to me and ask these favours. Let me
tell you, I get billions of such requests every day. Many of them are actually
contradictory and if I grant one, it will disappoint another. Even though you
might not think so, to be honest, the way you humans are, most of you do not
even deserve what I have let you have. Even I cannot violate principles of
logic and reasoning. I am a reasonable, logical God. Seriously, would you
rather I not be so?”
I could start to see his point. I
could sense his frustration. I decided to end the argument.
“I understand. Your reasoning is
right. I withdraw my requests. Let justice be done, even if it is on a long
term basis. I will see what I can personally do for my family and friends. I
will not waste your time un-necessarily in the future,” I replied, wanting to
not add to God’s misery.
“Look, Kannan, I cannot tell you what
the future will be or the fate of your friends and family. That would be a
violation of privacy and so many other rules and laws of nature and justice. I
cannot explain all the reasoning leading up to your destiny. You cannot take it
all in with your tiny brain and capacity in that puny body of yours.
However, don’t stop coming to me and
sharing your thoughts and desires. I will listen to them, but cannot guarantee
an outcome. So, don’t get your expectations up. Just know that in the grand,
complicated scheme of things, if it is logical, many things you desire will
happen. I am just glad you understand me, at least on this one
issue. I am so relieved. You know that is one thing I too crave and it is one
less irritant for my future from your persistent and sincere prayers.”
“OK, I have got to go now. Need to
pick up my kids from school. Much as I would like to chat a bit longer and
clarify a few more doubts I have harboured regarding you, I don’t have the time
now. Talk to you later!” I said, picking up my keys and heading out the door.
“Sure, talk to you later. Come
anytime, I have all the time in the world,” He said with a chuckle in his
voice.
Copyright (c) Kannan Narayanamurthy 2013
All rights reserved
