Tuesday, January 29, 2013


Poison Rose

This yarn is based on a splendid true story, I heard from a long time Alex resident. No real names have been used to protect the identity of the guilty! However, in a small town, people can usually put facts together, connect-the-dots and hazard a fairly accurate guess. I shall leave it there -for those who can figure it out, you know who, but for those that don't, just remember it might be someone you know or have seen around town.


About forty years ago, London, summer. Alison, a young lady in her 20s, who had grown up in Asia, had been living in London for about five years now - studying and working. She lived in a little attic flat that she rented in a three-storey block. It was one of many such typical blocks along the street. 

It was a weekend. Her good friend, Melissa, also in her 20s, was visiting her from Paris. She too had grown up in Asia. They had become good friends since their meeting arranged through family connections, upon Alison moving to Europe.  They occassionally visited each other.  

Through the busy life of studying and earning a living, Alison had not much time to stop and 'smell the roses' figuratively, but only literally. She had seen, and it had sunk into her consciousness, that in summer, around June-July, the weather was a lovely 'English summer' and people's gardens were a riot of colours. Flowers, especially roses, were abundant in all their glory at this time - all colours and sizes. 
The locals seemed to take great pride in cultivating their gardens and presenting them in spectacular fashion. Alison would often pause to admire a flower or a bunch up close -  smell, touch and move on.  She knew these lovely specimens were grown by the people beyond the fence, and belonged to them. She never saw anyone do anything much with them. Back where she grew up, such flowers were not that common or in such abundance. They usually marked some occassion and not all could afford them. Before coming to London, Alison had not seen roses in such numbers at such close proximity. 

Often she was reminded of roses when looking at a birthday or wedding cakes with roses made of icing, so realistic and so tempting! All her impressions of roses were of something exquisite, tasteful and elegant - the very representation of beauty. Alison loved their smell and touch as she brushed by them, as she walked by, despite the occassional thorn. She was fascinated by the flowers. She did not know much about them. Those were the days long before Google or the Internet. If she wanted to learn something about the flower, she had to go to a nearby (or a far) library, search and find a book with the relevant facts if available - something that took a bit of time, effort and planning. Not an easy thing with a busy work life. 

However when Alison and Melissa got together, they liked to take long walks and have long talks together - all the countless things that only two young women can talk about for hours. They went out  walking together for shopping, eating out or just to spend a few hours looking around the city.

As Alison walked past, alone, on her way to work or shop, she would often see bunches of flowers and specially roses, grown and groomed to perfection, bursting out of the limits of the fence, hanging over the footpath as if reaching out to those that walked by - saying 'Hey! Look at me, will you? I know there are flowers all around, but look at ME!! Do I not look beautiful? Don't I smell great or what?"

Recently, she thought she heard a few even whisper to her,"Hello Alison! Looks like you like my looks. Go on, just take me home with you. I am simply wasted here. No one else seems to pause and admire me like you do. Pluck me, take me and you can admire me longer. I will be yours." 
It seemed like telepathy.
"Oh, you look good! Smell good. I would love to take you with me, but... what if your owner sees me plucking you?" Alison too responded telepathically.  
"Come and get me sometime when no one is looking!" one bunch called out.
"OK, I will plan, come and get you," she replied quietly.
"Me too! ME too! Me, Me! Me!!" there was a clamour. It seemed like her telepathy was being broadcast to all the flowers within reach!
Alison decided to come prepared that weekend, when Melissa was visiting her. In her Alison would have the perfect accomplice to make it happen.

Melissa, too loved the roses. On their first walk out together during Melissa's visit, they saw many roses on the way and got to talking about them. Alison told her what the flowers had asked of her. While wrestling with the moral dilemma of taking those roses that technically were beyond the boundary of the house and hence outside the legal jurisdiction of the owner, Alison thought she would like to take a few of the flowers that were clearly in the way of a walker along the footpath and hence protect the unfortunate walker from a thorn prick. Melissa agreed that it would be OK morally, to rescue a few flowers based on their own appeal!  So, the girls planned their adventure carefully. 

They knew people sleep-in late on weekends. They got a hand-basket each, with a pair of scissors in them, with a towel thrown over it. Coincidentally, the towels had a floral print of large roses.

"Perfect camouflage!!" giggled the two girls.

The next morning, after breakfast they set out early together. They walked with a hand under the towel, in the basket, ready with the scissors. They walked slowly to begin with, looked around at the first stop, near a bunch that was calling out and reaching out to them. They looked this way and that - no one else was coming up the street. No one seemed to be looking from within the fence. Snip went the scissors and the first flowers dropped into the baskets, they came along with some thorns and leaves. The following snips came quicker and easier. The girls got bolder and more confident as they went along.  They even got some flowers from apartments where someone saw them and just waved in a friendly manner. The girls lost the edge in their fear realising that not everyone would be upset with their picking a rose or two. Soon the baskets were full and overflowing without crushing the flowers at the bottom of the heap. The towels were put to good use. 

The rows of flowers yet to be rescued seemed to be calling out more loudly telepathically. They seemed to be cheering the liberated flowers as well as calling out for their own turns.
"That's enough!" said Alison, breathless in exhilaration! Melissa nodded and they headed back. Try as they might, they could not maintain a steady, casual pace. Their steps were a lot quicker going back to the flat than when they left. They still walked until they came to their gate and then could not help rushing upstairs at a run, giggling and bumping into each other, holding the precious baskets safely away from their bodies.
They went into Alison's flat and put the baskets on the dining table. Took away the towels covering the flowers and it was a sight to behold!
Lovely, large beautifully formed roses of a range of colours all there, all theirs to admire or do whatever they wanted. The girls delicately separated each cutting and arranged them. It was mesmerising to see. The girls gazed at them for a long while. They touched the petals, felt them against their cheeks, smelt them and generally had the best real rose experience in their lives. Some petals came apart and fell around on the floor and the dining table.

"That was easy and quick! We can always get more roses anytime we want.  No one seemed to mind if we just picked one or two from the stems hanging outside," observed Alison.
"What do we do with them all?" asked Melissa.
"I don't have vases to put them all," mused Alison ,"I suppose it will be difficult to keep them all or throw them all away."
"I heard roses are edible in some form, some make sweets with them," said Melissa.
"All roses? or only some? Some of the colours here make me wonder if they are edible." queried Alison.
"So, what DO we do with these?" asked Melissa.
"I know they make perfumed rose water to spray and I think they make sweets  and a drink with them in Turkey or Arabia," said Melissa.

Suddenly, it was obvious! 
"These look so delicious, lets make some sweet rose drink and candy," joined Alison excitedly, as she put about half a dozen of the biggest and best looking flowers in different colours with long stems into a tall glass filled with water - an improvised flower vase. She set it on the little window ledge at one side of the room, and both looked at it admiringly. 
"Lets get the petals separated from the rest and get started!" said Melissa with excitement in her voice.
Out came a little pan and it was half-filled with water and set to boil. Alison brought out some 'rock' sugar she had bought recently - big rocklike crystals of sugar that she thought she would use.The sugar was crushed into smaller bits and powder and added. The water got hot and started to boil, the sugar started to melt. In went the rose  petals slowly, a little at a time, from a heap that the girls had piled up, the leaves and thorns were all discarded to one side.
Images of a light pink rose-coloured sweet danced in their heads as the girls thought it would be great for dessert that night. The two girls had never cooked any flower (other than cauli-flower) before and had no experience with roses. They imagined the rose would put out its natural fragrance, colour and even lend its natural soft texture to the sweet.
Their excitement and anticipation turned to frowns of concern as the sugar melted and became brown at the base, the rose petals too changed colour from a delicious pink or red to a muddy, ugly brown.
"The sugar is burning, add more water quickly."
"Stir it! Stir it, keep stirring!"
"Add all the petals quickly and stir quick, its starting to lump up on one side!"
It appeared that there were TWO many cooks were in the kitchen and something was spoiling..
Anway, at the end, there was a darkish, muddy brownish liquid in the pan that looked like nothing the girls imagined or had seen before. Two concerned but still excited faces looked at it and at each other. 
"It might taste good, we may not have had the recipe right. It does not look like I expected. I think we added too much water." said Alison
"We should try and taste it!" said Melissa.
"But is it safe? Could it be poisonous? Could the chemical reactions in cooking might have made it poisonous?" wondered Alison.
"If we could be sure it is safe, we might still have a good drink and know we can make it properly to a recipe next time," said Melissa.
"Agreed, but it seems a such a shame to waste it all." averred Melissa.

"I know a lot of people spray pesticides on the plants and roses in the garden to make them come out perfect," Alison added doubtfully.
"I think we should still try it, just a little at first to see if it is safe."
Trepidation and curiousity fought an evenly matched battle in that kitchen that day, in the minds of both the girls. Neither feeling won, they just decided that both were winners and both were to be awarded the honours. So, just like soldiers  who still go to battle despite the dangers, the two young women decided to follow the path of the warrior - go ahead, but with good, thorough preparation. It was a typical triumph and repeat of the timeless human nature.
"Lets taste it and also make sure that if it turns out poisonous or bad, we are safe. We will need to call the ambulance if we get sick. There is the pay-phone downstairs near the entrance." said Alison as she pulled out the exact change in coins from her purse, to make a quick call. Those were the days before the mobile phones or instant access from anywhere.
Everything was readied and precautions taken. Here was the plan:
They would try the potentially poisonous potion that they had prepared, a little of it at first. The first guinea pig would sit at the window to be seen by the other girl waiting downstairs at the entrance to the flats, close to the payphone and ready to rush to make a call for help.  They door to the flat would be kept open for quick access to the paramedics if need be. They would ensure the shared phone was not busy. The girl upstairs would consume a little of the potion upon receiving an all-clear, keeping herself visible at all times through the window to the girl downstairs. They would wait for atleast 10 minutes keeping sight of each other before deciding that there was no imminent danger. If anything did not seem right or the girl downstairs got a thumbsdown signal, she would rush to the phone and call for help. The girl upstairs was prepared to drink a lot of salt water quickly to dilute the poison and initiate throwing up to rid herself of the poison in case she felt something wrong. If everything was alright the girl downstairs would come up and also try the drink and they would perhaps toast the brew to each other's health, their friendship, a good adventure and to the marvel of roses
Now came the crucial question- which of them would try it first? To be fair and in a testimony to their friendship, they both agreed on a toss of a coin to decide. The same coin that would be used to call for help on the phone. The girls were feeling flushed, and there was this buzzing and fluttering in their stomachs in anticipation. As they got ready to toss the coin, suddenly and unexpectedly, like in a good, suspenseful movie thriller, the doorbell rang. It seemed loud and an interruption by higher powers deciding their fate.

Alison rushed to the door and opened it. There stood outside the door, smiling, a young man, slightly older than the girls. He said, "Hello! Alison and Melissa!"
There were a couple of seconds of stunned silence as he waited, standing there. He had a little package under his arms.
"Jason!!" cried out Alison, "What a nice surprise! Come on in!"
Jason was a friend of Alison who had lived in London for a long time. He was a friend of Alison's brother in his younger days in Asia. He too was someone who looked out for Alison when she came to London. He was well known to the girls. 
"Well, I will come in if you make way," he said teasingly as he saw Alison standing at the door, still a bit stunned.
"I spoke to your brother Alison and heard Melissa is visiting and thought I would stop by and see if you girls need anything. Tell me if you need a ride, to go shopping or something," Jason had a car and was always thoughtful and helpful. He scored big brownie points with his and the girls' family in Asia with his helpful nature. The girls liked his friendliness and appreciated his reliability. He sometimes had a serious expression and had a busy, energetic air about him.
"Sure good to see you, Jason. Come on in." Alison said as she moved aside to let him in.
Jason came inside and set his little package on the table.
He always seemed to bring along something for them on a visit. His arrival seemed to break and dissipate the tension and anticipation in the air that was there a minute ago. 
"What are you girls doing? What are you upto? Any plans for today? Do you want to go shopping? We can have lunch out," said Jason.
It is truly said great minds think alike and especially two women think alike when there is a man around. 
"Well, sure. We would like to go. We have had breakfast and had just made a rose drink. Would you like some?" said Alison.
"Sure," said the innocent, clueless man.
"Here," said Melissa, seamlessly pouring out a glass and handing it to him without a pause or break in the new mood since Jason's arrival.
"Thanks!" said Jason as he took the glass, raised it and drank down half contents in one gulp, a typical man thing to do.
"So, How have you been, Jason?" asked Alison casually.
"OK, I guess. Been busy but keeping well," said Jason.
For the next ten minutes or so, they all engaged in small talk and Jason was clueless (he thought that perhaps women were like that) as to how the girls asked about how he was feeling. He failed to notice their observing him keenly.
They asked how he liked the drink and in his usual polite way he said,"It's nice. Different, but nice." He did not dwell on it. The girls exchanged glances and kept watching him more minutely than usual. 
Ten minutes passed in pleasant, casual conversation, nothing happened to Jason. The girls offered Jason something to eat. They insisted he try it. Jason tried polite resistance but yielded. He did not even particularly notice it when the girls poured themselves a little of the rose drink each and quietly sipped it. 
They decided to head out together and had a good day getting shopping and other things done. Jason was quite touched to hear from the girls the next day, asking how he was feeling. He thought they were being nice and appreciative of his help in driving them around London. He did not realise, like most men, that men are handy and can be useful on occassion.
It would be many years before the girls told Jason and properly thanked him for his unwitting help. It still gets a laugh from everyone in the family!

Copyright  (c) Kannan Narayanamurthy 2013

All rights reserved 

Monday, January 28, 2013

Shaggy Dog Story

A Shaggy Dog Story?

My neighbour John Rogers, who read my last post "Is This True Love?" tells me that it is a typical example of a type of story called Shaggy Dog Story!
Wikipedia has a note defining the term as follows:

"In its original sense, a shaggy dog story is an extremely long-winded tale featuring extensive narration of typically irrelevant incidents, usually resulting in a pointless or absurd punchline based on a play on words in cliché form. These stories are a special case of yarns, coming from the long tradition of campfire yarns. Shaggy dog stories play upon the audience's preconceptions of the art of joke telling. The audience listens to the story with certain expectations, which are either simply not met or met in some entirely unexpected manner."

Here is the link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shaggy_dog_story.

 What an absolutely punny coincidence! I absolutely love such things that life throws at me. Yes, "Is This True Love?" is a shaggy dog story in more ways than one!

-kannan


Copyright  (c) Kannan Narayanamurthy 2013
All rights reserved 

Tuesday, January 22, 2013



Is This True Love?

He woke up later than anyone else in the house - it was past 9 am, stretched himself, loudly yawned, farted and rolled around the bed not wanting to get up. He scratched himself where it itched and tried to close his eyes against the bright morning light. It had been a tiring day - the day before, and he had gone to bed late. He had overslept, past his usual time. He had run around with his friends in the park and played until he was dog tired. Though smelly and sweaty, he had just collapsed into sleep after dinner on the bed. He was half asleep but had sensed being kissed goodnight as she gave him a warm hug. The warmth of her bosom had finally sent him to dreamland with a great feeling of being loved. He had barely sensed her waking up early, getting ready and setting off to work as he continued to sleep. He felt her warm hug and cuddle as she wished him a good day and did not stir as he heard her drive off- one among many, as most of the neighbours did.

The pangs of hunger induced him to drag himself to the kitchen where she had thoughtfully left a decent breakfast for him on his plate before leaving for work early. He finished the food and drink. He did not even think about cleaning up the little mess and spills of his breakfast or putting away his plate in the sink to be washed. He knew it would all be done for him. He usually did nothing around the house but she still loved him and never said a harsh word, though she affectionately scolded him sometimes. In his younger days, he had been more active, but nowadays, he was past his prime. However, he still took her love for granted and loved her in return. He always greeted her with love in his eyes. She would never leave him so long as she saw that. He felt no shame in her being the provider. It had always been so. Since they first met there was something each saw in the other that was irresistible. Love had overridden all other considerations. She was a good woman! His woman!

He lazily thought about what he could do today as he sauntered over to the window to look outside. It was a brilliant, clear day - the sun shining, not too hot after the recent spell of scorching days. He spotted his attractive female neighbour in her yard, apparently enjoying the sunshine as she walked around the clothesline. She seemed to sense his presence and turned towards his window. Seeing his appreciative look and knowing she was the focus of his attention she seemed to develop a preening air. She even lay down on the grass and suggestively rolled her body as if she really did not know she was being watched.

He was aroused. He watched, silent outwardly, but inside him, things were stirring and it was getting all noisy and hot. His breath quickened as she rolled over twice. He went downstairs and out through the backdoor to the lawn bordering his neighbour. He knew his woman did not like it when he had jumped over the fence to 'visit' his neighbour once in the past. She had had a big argument with the man next door. He looked around. He knew that the man next door too had gone to work and that the girl next door was alone. He had been warned not to go over again. Since then, all he had done was exchange some lustful glances of forbidden love. She too had seemed bent on winning him over and been putting on a show to attract him. Somehow, it had apparently become a challenge for her. Now he was starting to feel the same way.

He walked over to the fence and peeped through a gap in the fence palings. There she was lying on her side, facing him - a tantalising and tempting sight. She was quite close to the fence and he was certain she could sense him nearby. In a highly suggestive movement, she stretched her limbs, thrust out her belly and turned over to face away from him, as if inviting him to come on over to her side of the fence.

He could not resist any longer. He gave a furtive look around to see if any danger existed or if anyone was watching, who might stop him. He did not see anyone, just the familiar squirrel in the tree branch overhead who seemed to be watching intently.

"No fear!" he thought to himself as he suddenly felt the spring come back into his step and he jumped the fence in a trice! He was not sure he normally could have done it at his age.

She yelped in surprise at the suddenness of his arrival, though she seemed pleased at her gut instinct. He landed close to her and as she turned over instinctively, their limbs got tangled together. Either they did not care about who saw them or they were so confident no human was watching, they did not disentangle. Not a word exchanged, with just short squeals of surprise and within a second they were all over each other and nature took its course.

She did not seemed to mind his sweatiness or smell. He thought she smelt heavenly. It was just great. They played and chatted for a little while afterwards. She offered him a drink. He accepted gratefully. After about half an hour, he just jumped back over the fence and slunk into his house. He had his noon nap. He woke up to eat a little and then went for a swim in the pool beside the deck, he lay down in the sun to dry himself off. This was on the other side of his house from his friendly, female neighbour. He kept away from that side for the rest of the day. He did not want to appear too eager or committed to see her again.

It got a bit warm and he headed indoors, went over to lie on the couch and watch as his favourite afternoon TV programs came on. It had been programmed to start up at the right times. His woman took good care of him!

He went to sleep on the couch and dozed off into dreamland where he had even more thrilling and pleasant dreams in which his neighbour was an important feature. He was rudely awakened by the hug of his woman. She had picked up a special treat for him for dinner that night, it being the 10th anniversary of their having met, not that he remembered or cared to remember it. She had remembered!

As he ate heartily, he realised he had a great life. He was grateful to his woman and showed his appreciation for her. He licked her, all over her face, his tail wagging. She hugged him tight and patted his head.



Copyright  (c) Kannan Narayanamurthy 2013

All rights reserved